I’ve laid off Twitter the past couple weeks — allowing myself to be distracted by the NFL and face-to-face interactions (apparently, this kind of thing was common in prior generations). But tonight, as I was catching up on the news as presented through our great leader’s Twitter feed, the only thing I could glean was that the President of the United States is a combination of a lonely teenage social media troll and a jealous toddler pitching a fit because the kid next to him has cooler Legos. I thought about calling this blog “The President of the United States is 71 Going on 17”, and along with not being very kind to dyslexic readers, it would’ve also given too much cred to the old man-boy himself.

Trump Twitter Cut Off Internet

This was tweeted Friday but retweeted Sunday and provides a good example of what I’m saying. See, when a 17-year-old wants to insult somebody, he or she generally uses a bigger word than “loser”. Also, most 17-year-olds — especially these days — realize you can’t just “cut off” the Internet and “use better”. This truly makes no fucking sense whatsoever. You can’t cut something off and simultaneously use it better. Just ask John Wayne Bobbitt.

And yes, I understand I may be taking Trump’s words too literally. I mean, it’s not like he’s the President of the United States. But even if I assume he’s loosely talking about placing cyber limitations on known terrorists or terrorist organizations, this is next to impossible to execute. The Internet is the Wild Wild West, and if anybody knows it, it’s Trump himself. Just today, he retweeted a guy who looks like Kenny Powers and has a Twitter handle of Trumpism 9.0 — apparently, this gentleman has been through a lot of iterations since Trump became a nominee. Among the retweets from the star of “Eastbound & Down” are these 3 gems:


Jeez, blow ’em why don’t you.

On a normal day, in a normal society, with a normal president, the above tweets — along with a retweet from Bloomberg about how much he’s worth to Twitter, a humble brag about a $1 million donation to hurricane relief efforts and a jab at The New York Times — would’ve been some of the craziest shit you’ve ever read in the history of anything. However, the guy who leads us isn’t 71-years-old. He’s 7. And to keep pace with himself, he retweeted this:

That’s right, folks. The leader of the free world just sent a message to his former presidential competitor — a person with whom he beat — a photoshopped GIF of him knocking her down with a golf ball. On top of that, it came via a retweet of someone with the handle @Fuctupmind/CNN Sucks (from what I can tell, this isn’t Trump’s Twitter alias). He’s giving credibility to people who attend WWE events and hold up signs with dick jokes on them.

The old man-boy in office is a marketer. He doesn’t care for political correctness. He’s a shock jock president. He may or may not be mentally stable. More than anything, however, Donald Trump is an asshole. He’s an old, misogynistic, orange-skinned, 7-year-old asshole.