CHARLESTON—On the same day that the Supreme Court has officially made gay marriage legal in all 50 states, South Carolina has decided to remove the old Confederate battle flag from their state capital building and replace it with the rainbow flag synonymous with equal rights for gay, lesbian and LGBT people.
“The Palmetto state is turning a new leaf,” said South Carolina Democrat Grady A. Brown. Adding, “No pun intended.”
Brown went on to say that the horrific shooting at a black church in Charleston and today’s Supreme Court announcement are a chance for South Carolina to go through a complete rebrand.
“People think we’re just some redneck state that doesn’t know how to evolve—possibly because we don’t teach it in our schools,” said Brown. “That’s all changing. It starts with the flag. Then, we’ll load up on Starbucks stores on every corner. I’m telling you, this rebrand will be just as successful as what Blockbuster and Radio Shack did.”
Long-time South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham has announced that while he’s a long-time supporter of traditional marriage, he respects the Supreme Court’s decision.
“Maybe this will lead people to stop questioning my sexuality so much,” said Graham. “I don’t know what else I need to do to throw folks off the trail. I mean I’ve already said that my sister will make a great First Lady.”