Continuing on last week’s theme of the endless end-of-year lists clogging up the internet lately, Glassdoor recently released its list of the 50 Best Places To Work (shockingly, Sarcastic News Live was left off this year’s list).
Not surprisingly, Google topped the list at number one. Excellent perks, high pay, great business opportunities, and extremely high employee satisfaction were all cited as reasons for Google’s position at number one. Facebook, last year’s number five, dropped eight spots to number 13. In response to the list, Mark Zuckerberg immediately posted a snarky status update with several “crying face” emojis.
Twitter, which was number two last year, dropped out of the top 50! We highly encourage you to take to Twitter to voice your displeasure and/or mockery. We’ll get the ball rolling with the following hashtags:
Other notables from the list include In-N-Out Burger chain at number eight…two spots ahead of number ten: The Mayo Clinic. Let’s just recap that fact in case it slipped by you…In-N-Out Burger: better place to work than Mayo Clinic. Perhaps employees at the Mayo Clinic are disgruntled after being forced to treat thousands of patients with health conditions resulting from repeated visits to In-N-Out.
For those interested, check out the full Top 50 HERE
What this list fails to mention is the opposite end of the job spectrum. So without further ado, SNL presents:
The Top 10 Worst Places to Work
10. Burger King
A long way from the employee compensation standards of In-N-Out, and even further away from food quality. Remember those Chicken Fries? Those things were so rubbery and processed, they are now solely used for plugging holes in small tugboats. BK also just brought back a sandwich that was popular in the 70’s, the “Yumbo.” If your ‘hot new idea’ that’s gonna turn things around is a hot ham & cheese sandwich…you’ve got problems.
9. Radio Shack
Store closing after store closing, stock dropping faster than teenagers’ awareness of what Radio Shack is. The Shack is in serious turmoil, and if you haven’t already jumped off the sinking ship, now would be a good time to see if you can hop off and land on your feet. Turns out there isn’t much need in 2014 for a 16 pack of D-batteries and a remote control car that can only go in one direction for about 10 minutes, before running out of battery power and needing replacement of its 4 D-batteries.
It was making a comeback? Did we miss it?
7. West Virginia Coal Mine
The whole black-lung thing is a huge downer. Slightly, slightly worse place to work than Myspace.
6. Fox News
You went to broadcasting school, paid your tuition, and acquired a nice helping of debt for a chance to be a big-time player in television. Somehow, you ended up filming or producing something equivalent to the Jerry Springer show with the histrionics and acting flair of old school WWF Wrestling. Don’t get too down, I hear the USA “hit” show Royal Pains is looking for an assistant gaffer.
First of all, you have to subject yourself to rolling around on skates all day. Second, the meals you get with your ‘employee discount’ are giving you the runs. Third, those two annoying guys are constantly sitting outside attempting to make jokes but failing miserably.
It’s like you’re part of a good old fashioned slave plantation and the abolitionists are gaining more and more support. Time to re-evaluate your life choices.
3. Emporia, Kansas Sewage Treatment Plant
This one is pretty self-explanatory. At the same time, your job is – and definitely isn’t – the shit. Also, you live in Emporia, Kansas.
Your career revolves around confronting people as they attempt to live their lives freely. You catch them coming out of bathrooms, in church, playing with their children. You’re basically a heavy-duty vacuum sucking the life out of celebrities and anyone in the public eye. Once you’ve sucked up enough dirt, Harvey Levin gets to shake out your vacuum tray so you can do it all over again.
1. Local Government “Parking Citation” Division
Your pay is terrible, your job is thankless, and everyone you encounter on a day to day basis hates you. Slightly, slightly worse place to work than Myspace.