Here are nine overheard Black Friday quotes from attendees throughout the country. While these Black Friday quotes do not reflect the whole of everyone who has participated in the asinine mayhem that is Black Friday, it’s pretty damn close.
9. “Look at that guy over there. Looks like he’s been camping out for days” – Jason Ellington, 32, Vancouver, WA said to wife not realizing that the man he’s referring to is actually homeless.
8. “The kids like those video games.” – Mary Fitzsimmons, 66, Kansas City, MO said in regards to her grandchildren while driving to the local mall with her husband who owns a flip phone.
7. “No need to shove, asshole.” - John Novich, 38, Buffalo, NY said while filing into a crowded Walmart seconds after doors opened and seconds before a brawl that would later be picked up on CNN started.
6. “Do you want to stand in line at Old Navy? We could win a million bucks… On second thought, screw it. That’d mean we’d have to shop at Old Navy.” – Jen Daniels, 24, Orlando, FL said to friend when deciding on where to shop. Made the right call.
5. “I can’t decide if I want to buy a new camera or a new iPad.” – Stephanie Martinez, 19, Los Angeles, CA said to friend who can’t afford presents at all.
4. “You know what’s fucked up… Starbucks‘ plain red cups. They should just say Christmas on it.” – DeMarcus Pozline, 41, Worcester, MA said in own head while wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat and drinking Starbucks.
3. “After this, do you want to go ahead and get the tree?” – Silvia Johnson, 36, Cleveland, OH said to husband who she forced to hang Christmas decorations up the day after Halloween.
2. “World Star.” – Nameless onlooker who shot entire mall fight on iPhone. He was way too ready for this.
1. “I don’t care how cheap a flat screen TV is. I’m never ever doing this again.” – The majority of people standing in line on Black Friday. They will inevitably do this again.